I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
