I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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