Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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