I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
