My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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