i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
