im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
