How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
