Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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