so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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