I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
