If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
