i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
