I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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