I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
