yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
