Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
