He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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