My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
