he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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