YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
