I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
