Well douche your snatch and let's go!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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