just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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