hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
not ubering you a puppy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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