How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
