the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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