good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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