You made me cry and you don't even care
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
