My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize