Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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