Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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