More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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