wat bout pragnant strippers??
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
