captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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