he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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