Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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