another moral hangover. fuck.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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