I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize