The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
