put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
