Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
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