hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
