Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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