Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i think i just lost a toe
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize