Will you blow on my dice?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
