There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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