I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
