So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
