1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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