Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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