I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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