So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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