Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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