yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize