just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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