yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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