Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
