if you like me you must not know who I am
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
