Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize