So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
