Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
