Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
