i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
