i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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