Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
