went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
