I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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