Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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