This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
