she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I enjoy the company of your penis
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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