What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
