I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
