do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
