He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
