apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
