So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
