from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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