'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dicks are not precious.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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