Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
