Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
