Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
