Jerry, you need to find god
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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