the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
