Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
