Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
