first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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