I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
