Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
