your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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