You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Four minutes until I can fart!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize