So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
