I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
