How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
