i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
