Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize