Its about making memories worth repressing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
