Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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