if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
