I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
