did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
