so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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