my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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