girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
