why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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