I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
